Gone
by luvin'-music
Summary: Cammie's dead. Zach's thoughts at her funeral. Rated T for no other reason than I wanted to.


**Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything. I made this a while ago, and, after a few touch-ups, I think it turned out okay. XD Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Gallagher Girl. The awesome Alley Carter does! **

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><p>She's dead, and you know it's all your fault.<p>

You scream and shout at her to come back to you, and yet she is still so far away. She's never coming back, they tell you. Never. The one girl you ever gave your heart to will never return. You'll never kiss her soft lips again. Never again hold her hand. Never again hear her voice laughing or talking. Never hold her as she cries. She's gone, and there's nothing you could do. Nothing but stand there, taking it all in. Nothing but keep your mask on, even if inside all you want to do is scream and hit something. Curse at God, who was supposed to keep her safe. All you want to do is disappear. Though you're a spy, it's hard now. Especially when you know she will never try to find your hiding place again.

The preacher comes to the front of the church, standing behind the podium, saying a prayer. You bow your head, if, for no other reason than to hide your tears. You want her back. Want to be with the one person you ever trusted wholeheartedly. Want to wipe the hair from her face and kiss her, feel her, know her. But she's gone, ripped from your arms, your heart, never to return.

A song comes on, and you tear your concentration from your shoes and look around you, seeing her grieving mother leaning on a man who was like your father. He comforts her like you want to be comforted. To be held by someone you know will never leave you or forsake you. To be loved.

A silent tear falls from your cheek as the lyrics from her favorite song filters the air, and you shove it away. 'If heaven weren't so far away' by Justin Moore. You mouth the lyrics with them, believing every word. How death would be a whole lot easier if heaven weren't so far away, and she wasn't so far away from you. You bow your head once again, hoping no one sees you.

The time comes to see her in her coffin, and you stand up, walking the steps behind everyone else to say your last good-bye. You stop at the opening, feeling slightly sick as you see her face, the proof that she is gone. Her eyes are closed, her face peaceful and pale, her arms at her sides. You don't want her to be this way, don't want this to be true. But you know it is. You touch her cheek, hoping her eyes would flutter open so you could see her chocolate browns one last time. But they remain closed, and you slowly walk away, a weight like no other weighing you down.

Everyone packs up and gets ready to drive to the burial grounds, where your love will be lowered forever. You get in the car, your hands unsteady as they pull out your keys. Suddenly, after everyone leaves the parking lot, your mask breaks, and the tears poor out. You sit behind the wheel, your arms crossed over the steering wheel, your head covering them as you cry. Your breaking heart bleeds, pouring the love out. A crushing pain lifts some as you finally release the pressure. You look up, hoping to see her walking toward you, her arms held open, a smile on her face. But instead, you see the same old church, an empty parking lot, and a single dove flying from the clouds, landing in front of you and picking at a piece of bread, then flying away, the crumbs in its mouth.

You feel only slightly better as you turn the car on, able to leave the driveway and speed up with the rest of them, going to the cemetery. You shove the tears away, wiping your face as you try to rid yourself of the evidence of tears, though you know that everyone will see them. You park behind them, getting out of the car slowly then shutting the car door behind you. Ahead of you is her mother, standing off to the side as you and Joe both move to the coffin and help pick it up, feeling the weight crush heavily on your shoulders. You somberly carry her to her grave, concentrating on the movement on your feet rather than the knowledge of who was in the coffin. You lower it to the ground with the rest of them, and put it on the contraption that lowers it into the grave, then step back as the others catch up. Bex, Liz and Macey stand in the front, tears streaming down their pink cheeks. You vaguely remember them sitting a row behind you, Macey patting your back affectionately, reassuringly. You nod at her, and she nods back, her puffy eyes bloodshot as she gazes back at her friends coffin hovering over the grave, her friends gravestone sitting behind her in the dirt.

The preacher returns, standing among them, the rain pouring on the tent above your head. He asks if anyone wants to say something, and you see her mother coming up to the grave, telling about how much she will miss her daughter, and what an impact she had on her life. You feel exceptionally bad for her, because this is her second death, after her husband. You feel bad that you were a part of it, even if it was by your mother. You look away from her, keeping your eyes low, anywhere but her.

Her friends come next, talking about their friend. Macey comes last, reminiscing about the short time they had together, mourning over the fact that it was Cammie to die in the explosion instead of her. You silently wish it was you who was in the middle of the explosion instead of the both of them. She steps down and nods at you, revealing a scar on the side of her face, a small scratch compared to what she should have gotten at the explosion of the COC.

You stand up in front of everyone, looking around at the many faces. You say a brief speech about how you liked Cammie, and how she meant the world to you. You hold back on some the of specifics, choosing to keep those to yourself, knowing those were the things you could only say to Cammie, your Gallagher Girl. You choke up when you think of this, then straighten up and step down, not bothering to say anything else. The congregation stays silent, understanding.

Everyone else begins to leave, but you hold back, touching the coffin one last time. You drop a carnation -her favorite flower- on her coffin, then walk down the hill, promising to return.

You go back to the others, talking and laughing about the wacky stories of how Cammie would always find a way to get out of tight spaces. Always find a way to win. Then a hush comes over everyone as they realize just how she didn't make it past this one. Didn't win this fight.

You leave early, going home and going to bed, not bothering to undress yourself and get ready for bed. You look at a picture of the both of you, standing in front of the beach, kissing. Your heart breaks a little, but you stay strong, determined not to cry again. Determined to stay strong for her. You fall asleep, dreaming about her, the Gallagher girl you will never hold again.

As an ex-assassin and spy, love never comes easy. As a boy, it doesn't come a lot.

As you think about this, you know it will never happen again.

Ever.

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><p><strong>What did you think? Review, please!<strong>


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